{"id":299,"date":"2015-02-25T18:03:23","date_gmt":"2015-02-25T19:03:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/?p=299"},"modified":"2025-05-06T10:51:30","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T10:51:30","slug":"ill-leave-love-to-fate-5-myths-keeping-you-from-finding-love-debunked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/2015\/02\/25\/ill-leave-love-to-fate-5-myths-keeping-you-from-finding-love-debunked\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I\u2019ll leave love to fate.\u2019 5 Myths Keeping You from Finding Love, Debunked"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Heart<\/p>\n

(Image<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

For a long time, I wanted to set up this friend of mine. She\u2019s attractive, smart, and an overall great catch. But every time we talked about love, dating, and possibly setting her up, she\u2019d respond with,<\/p>\n

\n

I\u2019ll leave things to fate.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

At first I thought, Okay, maybe she\u2019s just not ready.<\/em> But then one year passed. Three years. Five years.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been six years, and she\u2019s still single. While there\u2019s nothing wrong with being single, my friend does<\/strong> want to be with someone, but she does nothing about it, instead always saying, \u201cI\u2019ll leave things to fate.\u201d As she\u2019s closed off to being remotely proactive in love, I\u2019ve stopped broaching the topic. Instead, I\u2019ve moved on to set up other friends \u2014 one of whom has since entered a stable, happy relationship last year, due to Ken and I.<\/p>\n

How much of a role does fate play in love? Do we truly have no role to play when it comes to love? Today, I\u2019d like to share five common myths that may be preventing you from finding your \u201cone\u201d:<\/p>\n

Myth #1: I\u2019ll leave love to fate<\/h2>\n

While I was reading your responses to my recent survey on finding love, I noticed some of you adopt an external locus of control when it comes to love. \u201cExternal locus of control<\/a>\u201d means having a worldview that things are out of one\u2019s control and one doesn\u2019t have a role to play in said outcome. In this case, views like\u2026<\/p>\n

\n

I\u2019ll let God decide if I should find love.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think one should take a course to find love. Feels abnormal.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure if love is something you can force. I\u2019m not interested to go out there and date. I rather let love happen to me by itself.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

In these cases, these individuals do <\/em>want love, they do <\/em>want to be in a blissful relationship, but do not see themselves playing any role in making this happen.<\/p>\n

Yet, the question comes to, \u201cHow much of a role do we play in finding love?<\/strong>\u201d I can\u2019t give you a definite answer, but it\u2019s definitely not 0%. It\u2019s also not 10%. From my experience, it can go anywhere from 40~% (myself) to as much as 99% (where my friends and clients have made pivotal moves that led to them finding their partners today).<\/p>\n

Quantum Entanglement<\/h3>\n

Have you heard of \u201cquantum entanglement\u201d? It\u2019s a physical phenomenon first revealed in 1935 in a paper by Albert Einstein, Boris Podolsky, and Nathan Rosen. They discovered pairs of photons, or \u201centangled\u201d photons, connected by a strange link.<\/p>\n

Apparently, when you separate individual photons in a pair, you can always infer the polarization of one photon by measuring that of its counterpart<\/strong>. So meaning if you have two photons (A and B), and photon A changes in polarization, the polarization of photon B will change too, to match that of A\u2019s \u2014 regardless of how far apart they are<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s as if B knew that A has changed<\/strong>\u2026 despite the vast distance between them, despite there being no known way for them to communicate<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\"Quantum<\/p>\n

The invisible link between paired photons, unexplainable even by physicists today [More on quantum entanglement: 1<\/a>, 2<\/a>, 3<\/a>] (Image<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

When I saw this, I immediately thought of soulmates: Two beings with an unexplainable link with each other<\/strong>. Just like you\u2019re a unique individual with your idiosyncrasies and talents, somewhere out there, there is someone who complements you in his\/her own special way<\/strong>. Your parallel. Your yin\/yang match. Your partner, to soar with you in life.<\/p>\n

Now, when it comes to soulmates, there is this invisible link they share \u2014 all the way from birth (even before that actually; that\u2019s how they were born as soulmates). Even if you don\u2019t believe in soulmates and all this \u201cwoo woo\u201d stuff, think of it this way: when you vibrate at your highest consciousness, one where you\u2019re your highest self and ready for your highest love, you radiate your brightest energy that invisibly attracts people with similar energy<\/strong>. This includes like-minded souls, potential mates, and\u2026 your soulmate. Your ultimate relationship. Your true match.<\/p>\n

Example: How I \u201cAttracted\u201d Ken into My Life<\/h3>\n

Since my early 20s, there were many things I did that helped prepare me for my best relationship. Firstly, living true to my path, quitting my job to start my business, and doing what I\u2019m meant to do. Secondly, constant work at living true to myself, being my highest self, and being aligned inside and out. Thirdly, going into a serious deep dive into love and dating<\/a> when I was 27\u201328, even entering into some romantic connections, which then helped me to be ready for my eventual relationship with Ken.<\/p>\n

By the time I was \u201cdone,\u201d my energy was radiating so brightly that Ken \u2014 we were just strangers then \u2014 got my \u201csignal\u201d loud and clear. One fine night, at 4:30am, he got a sudden inkling to organize his phone book when he should be sleeping. (Note that I was in South Africa and him in Singapore, so we were literally 5,400 miles apart.) This was the action that put us back in touch and led us to be together.<\/p>\n

Did he need to organize his phone book? No. Why did he do it then? That\u2019s anyone\u2019s guess, but there were several clues that pointed to this being a synchronicity vs. an \u201caccident\u201d:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. He never organizes his phone book. Ever.<\/li>\n
  2. He was deleting some names and sorting some names. Then he saw my name under \u201cC\u201d and thought of messaging me, even though he wasn\u2019t organizing with the intent to message anyone.<\/li>\n
  3. Up till then, we had never messaged each other. My number had just been sitting in his phone for the past 4.5 years, probably from my business card.<\/li>\n
  4. Even though we last met 4.5 years ago (passed by each other on a street), he could remember me very vividly. (No, he wasn\u2019t reading my blog then.)<\/li>\n
  5. After he messaged me, he stopped organizing his phone book and went to sleep. I was the only person he messaged that night.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    His innocuous \u201chi\u201d led to thousands of text exchanges, to us becoming a couple<\/a>, to proposal<\/a>, to marriage<\/a>. And thus beginning our journey together.<\/p>\n

    \"Galaxy\"<\/p>\n

    (Image<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    If you ask me, we were drawn into each other\u2019s lives because our consciousness was at the right match. If we weren\u2019t, we wouldn\u2019t have re-acquainted; even if we did, we also wouldn\u2019t be together since we wouldn\u2019t be ready to receive each other yet.<\/p>\n

    Your Role in Love<\/h3>\n

    While I think most people tend to assume a 0% responsibility in love, I\u2019d like to suggest the opposite: You have a much bigger role to play in love than you think<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

    After all, when you\u2019re inert in your love path, you naturally close yourself off from others. You project a closed signal, or even, no signal. You say you want to be in a relationship (or you wish to deep down), but on the outside you have this huge signboard that says, \u201cSorry, not interested [in love]. Go away.\u201d This confuses the universe and leaves her wondering, Errr, what exactly does he\/she want?<\/em><\/p>\n

    Since your intentions and actions don\u2019t tally, you manifest misaligned results \u2014 jagged, sporadic encounters with men\/women that don\u2019t culminate into anything<\/strong>. For some: toxic, unfulfilling relationships. For others: a barren dating life, as they refuse to be involved in creating their love destiny. Which is really unfortunate, because deep down, you may be a terrific guy\/girl, ready to meet your true love and create the relationship of your life!!<\/p>\n

    On the other hand, when you take ownership of your love life, suddenly, possibilities open up<\/strong>. Men\/women you\u2019ve never met before appear. People ask you out on dates, more so than usual. (This happened to me when I opened myself up, a year before I met Ken.) You meet more and more compatible men\/women.<\/p>\n

    Because you are conscious of your role in love, you also take proactive, positive actions to attract your \u201cone.\u201d You start doing things that you don\u2019t normally do, that seem random but are really leading you to your \u201cone.\u201d In turn, leading you to your \u201cone.\u201d \u2665 \ud83d\ude00<\/p>\n

    To quote the site Twinflame Soulmates<\/a>:<\/p>\n

    \n

    Synchronicity is a common occurrence between twin flames and soulmates (Celes: twin flames = soulmate lovers). There is synchronicity in the mirrored actions<\/strong> that occur within their lives [\u2026] that seem highly unlikely to have happened by chance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

    Twin souls tend to meet when both are at the stage to accelerate their learning and growth. When one is ready for awakening, so will be the other, but it often comes down to the free will of each individual whether they are ready to look inward and take action [\u2026] or remain in the ego or shadow self<\/strong><\/span>.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Truth: Sometimes fate is busy; you need to give her a helping hand. By being proactive in love, it helps to set you on your love path, attract the right people, and open you up to new possibilities in love. \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Myth #2: \u201cLive your life\u201d and love will come<\/h2>\n

    People often harp on the saying, \u201cLive your life and love will come your way.\u201d After all, \u201clive your best life\u201d is one of my tips on finding love.<\/a> In my soulmate series<\/a>, I also shared how I was focused on \u201cliving my life\u201d when Ken appeared.<\/p>\n

    While important, there are other parts to the love equation than just \u201cliving your life.\u201d For example, removing your inner blocks to love. Processing emotional baggage (such as from past relationships). Uncovering your singlehood blocks, including fears about love, which many of us have. Processing said fears. Uncovering limiting beliefs about yourself. Addressing said limiting beliefs. Really<\/em> opening your heart to love.<\/p>\n

    Until these are done, these blocks can hinder you in your love journey. Worse still, they may even attract toxic matches, because energetically you\u2019re at the wrong place!<\/p>\n

    Before Ken re-entered my life, I was single the whole time. The key reason was because I was very choiceful about who I wanted to be with. I didn\u2019t see a point in being with someone unless I felt a strong connection and saw potential together. (This person turned out to be Ken.)<\/p>\n

    Now, there was something else driving my singlehood: my subconscious blockages to love<\/strong>. Note that these blocks were deep blocks<\/strong>, meaning I didn\u2019t know they existed until I did a deep dive into myself and love<\/strong>. If I hadn\u2019t taken the time to seriously explore myself and love, I would never have uncovered them. These included<\/p>\n