{"id":274,"date":"2016-05-22T05:25:07","date_gmt":"2016-05-22T05:25:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/?p=274"},"modified":"2025-05-06T10:51:16","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T10:51:16","slug":"how-to-stop-being-abusive-to-your-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/2016\/05\/22\/how-to-stop-being-abusive-to-your-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Stop Being Abusive to Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_53771\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"width: 800px\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-53771 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" alt=\"Man alone in a room with debris\" width=\"800\" height=\"533\" data-src=\"https:\/\/councilart.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/man-alone-room-debris.jpg\"><\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-caption-text\">(<a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/ben_salter\/4380030932\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">Image<\/a>)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cDear Celes, I really love reading your blog. You are my role model! I am actively working on revamping and changing my life with the help of your blog.<\/p>\n<p>Celes, I have a huge problem. I am abusive. I have made it my duty to stop cursing and stop raising my hands to my partner. But yesterday I snapped and hurt my partner again \u2014 I REALLY do not want to do this. I grew up in a household with domestic violence and I wish to be better than that.<\/p>\n<p>However, my partner frustrates me sometimes and I feel as though she never listens to me \u2014 she always denies her mistakes or apologizes but does not mean it. I feel heartbroken that we are hurting each other. I love her. She has forgiven me but I want this to stop once and for all.<\/p>\n<p>Your advice will be very much appreciated.\u201d \u2014 Enchanted<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Dear Enchanted, thank you for sending this letter. I want to applaud you for sending in this in because it takes courage to seek help on a matter like this. As you know, there is a strong stigma surrounding abuse, for both the victim and the abuser. Yet you have bravely sent in your question and I\u2019ll do my best to assist you.<\/p>\n<h2>Laying Out the Problem<\/h2>\n<p>Let\u2019s try to break down the problem here:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Your partner frustrates you sometimes.<\/li>\n<li>In response, you become abusive sometimes, which can include cursing and raising your hands to her.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>On #1, this is understandable. All relationships have their moments of frustration. My husband and I have moments when we frustrate each other too. Usually we handle these in a variety of ways from letting it pass to discussing to arguing, but we always try to resolve them and reach a positive place.<\/p>\n<p>But #2 is an issue. Because as much as someone frustrates us, physical violence isn\u2019t the way to handle the situation, whether the person is a stranger or a partner. One may say that it\u2019s worse when the violence is meted out to your partner because this is someone you love, who trusts you not to inflict harm on him\/her.<\/p>\n<p>The good thing is that you recognize that (1) this abuse is a problem and (2) you want to stop it. There are abusers who feel that abusing others is okay and they are entitled to violence against their partner. These people have a separate problem altogether. You clearly do not think that way. So how do we tackle this?<\/p>\n<h2>Understanding the Source of the Physical Abuse<\/h2>\n<p>First, let\u2019s understand the source of the abusive behavior. As we have established above, the source isn\u2019t that your partner frustrates you or her frustrating behavior (that she never seems to listen to you). There are many couples who face problems, including feeling that their partner isn\u2019t listening to them, yet it doesn\u2019t result in violence. Or you can put someone else in your position, in this exact situation, and he\/she would probably feel irritated, but not get violent.<\/p>\n<p>The source is something else, and we\u2019re here to understand what.<\/p>\n<p>Enchanted, you mentioned that you grew up in an abusive household and I feel this could well be a strong link to your abusive behavior. According to studies,<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>About one-third of people abused in childhood will become abusers themselves.<sup>[<a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/1989\/01\/24\/science\/sad-legacy-of-abuse-the-search-for-remedies.html?pagewanted=all\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">1<\/a>]<\/sup><\/li>\n<li>Men who as children witnessed their parents\u2019 domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of non-violent parents.<sup>[<a href=\"http:\/\/domesticviolencestatistics.org\/domestic-violence-statistics\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">2<\/a>]<\/sup><\/li>\n<li>Children of domestic violence are three times more likely to repeat this cycle in adulthood.<sup>[<a href=\"http:\/\/cdv.org\/blog\/10-startling-domestic-violence-statistics-for-children\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">3<\/a>]<\/sup><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Why is this so? That\u2019s because our childhood years are our most formative years. That\u2019s when we form a big chunk of our life scripts, what I call <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/childhood-stories\/\">childhood stories<\/a>, until we consciously rewrite them later. So imagine a child who grows up in an abusive household. The subconscious beliefs formed become something like<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cIt\u2019s okay to use violence on others.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cUsing violence on loved ones is a normal behavior\u201d (because the child\u2019s parents used it on him\/each other).<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI can use violence to express rage.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cViolence can be used if the situation calls for it.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cViolence is a way to exert control.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Even if the child is later educated in school\/society that violence is a no-no, this will not override his\/her fundamental childhood beliefs \u2014 especially if they are deeply embedded, especially if the child never got to work through these false beliefs.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d like to stress that such beliefs can develop even if the child didn\u2019t grow up in an abusive family. It could be from being a victim of a violent crime, from childhood neglect, from growing up in a <em>verbally <\/em>abusive family, from being in a broken household, or from <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/bullying\/\">being bullied<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>As a result, you can have situations where the child, now grown up, is completely nice and gentle. You can\u2019t tell that he grew up in an abusive family or that he\u2019s prone to violent tendencies. He is in total control of his behavior and he genuinely cares for others. (I use the male pronoun for simplicity. A woman can a perpetrator of domestic violence too.)<\/p>\n<p>However, when he gets riled up, this is when anger takes over and things get ugly. His childhood conditioning takes over as he starts shouting at his partner (or child), yelling and perhaps hitting things and hitting him\/her. It\u2019s like he\u2019s a demon possessed. He says things that he doesn\u2019t normally say and he does things that he would never, ever do. Alcohol aggravates this behavior as it lowers inhibition and rational thought, and causes the deeper issues to surface.<\/p>\n<p>When everything is over and the dust settles, he begins to deeply regret what he did, said. He apologizes and vows never to do this again. And he really tries his best. But somehow there will be something that trips him down the road, resulting in the same cycle all over again. This is known as <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Cycle_of_violence\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the cycle of violence<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>To those of you who can relate to Enchanted\u2019s problem, does this feel familiar?<\/p>\n<h2>1) Violence is Not the Start of the Problem<\/h2>\n<p>The first thing I\u2019d like you to understand is that violence is not the start of the problem. Violence is the tip of the problem, albeit a very extremely serious tip with grave consequences.<\/p>\n<p>The real problem started way before the violence surfaced. It could be when you witnessed or was at the receiving end of domestic violence in your household. It could be when you made certain conclusions about yourself and the world after experiencing the abuse. These incidences, combined with other issues\/beliefs, brewed over time to give rise to abusive behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Hence, when the abuse happens, it\u2019s because there has been a certain build up of pain, angst, and grievances, as well as a lineup of preconditions (like abusive beliefs), that results in the lashing out. This is why the abuse occurs despite your best effort \u2014 it\u2019s often the final display in a series of unresolved issues.<\/p>\n<p>By saying this, I\u2019m not in any way excusing the abusive behavior. Your partner has physical and emotional pain that she now needs to live with, as do you \u2014 but understanding this is crucial to get resolution.<\/p>\n<p>As a result, working on the abusive tendency only isn\u2019t going to solve the problem. You need to get to the root of the issue. Because of that, if you are abusive, I recommend you get professional aid as resolving this will take time. I will, however, keep writing this article to give you a general guide.<\/p>\n<h2>2) Understand What\u2019s Triggering the Violence<\/h2>\n<p>There are usually triggers to violence. If not, you would be violent to everyone 24\/7 which isn\u2019t the case. (There are people like that and they obviously suffer from a different problem.)<\/p>\n<p>Our goal is to understand what these triggers are. It doesn\u2019t mean that these triggers are the issue though. Like I mentioned, violence is the tip, not the start, of the problem. Likewise, these triggers are merely catalysts of the abuse. There are certain pre-existing issues causing the violence to occur. Knowing what these triggers are will give us insight into these deeper issues.<\/p>\n<p>I have an exercise for you:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Get some quiet space with yourself.<\/li>\n<li>List the past three incidents when you got violent with your partner (or kid, or family member). If there\u2019s been one incident in total, then work with this one.<\/li>\n<li>Think about what happened in each incident before you got abusive. Perhaps your partner wasn\u2019t listening to you, said something that insulted you, or did something that pissed you off. Write this down.<\/li>\n<li>Pick the incident where you had the biggest reaction. Imagine you are in the situation right now, getting abusive. Ask yourself, <br \/>\n<blockquote>\n<p><strong>Why am I getting violent?<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/li>\n<li>Type the answers that follow. Think of it as having a conversation with yourself, and keep probing until you get to the <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/root-cause\/\">root reason<\/a> of the violence. Be prepared for strong emotions surfacing. You\u2019ll know the root cause when you reach there.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Take for example, someone who gets abusive when his partner refuses to listen to him. Here is a set of possible answers:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Why am I getting violent?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I\u2019m very angry<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because she refuses to listen to me<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because she keeps rattling off even though I\u2019ve told her to stop<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because she refuses to listen to me<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because it\u2019s the only way to get her to stop<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Why am I getting violent?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because it\u2019s the only way to make her pay<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because otherwise she won\u2019t know how serious I am<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I hate her<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Why am I getting violent?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I don\u2019t know what other way to get through to her<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I\u2019m already tried my best<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I\u2019m at my wits\u2019 end<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I don\u2019t know<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I don\u2019t know better<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I\u2019m a pile of shit<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Why am I getting violent?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I hate myself<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I don\u2019t know what else I can do<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I just want her to listen to me<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I feel like I\u2019m alone in this world<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Why am I getting violent?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I just need her to listen to me<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>So why violence?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because if I don\u2019t use violence, I don\u2019t know if she will ever listen to me. I may never get my point across. I may never be heard and understood.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>So why violence? Because you have no right to use violence.<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\">Because I don\u2019t know any other way. <strong>Violence is the only way I know to get heard. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><em>Why is it important to get heard?<\/em>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff\"><strong>Because if I don\u2019t get heard, I don\u2019t exist. I\u2019m not a real human being.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The answer is out: as it turns out, the person in this example gets abusive because he is <strong>screaming to be heard<\/strong>. If he is not heard, he becomes non-existent; a non-existent human being. This thought terrifies him and he cannot accept it. So he desperately lashes out in physical violence, screaming and crying for the one person who matters to listen to him: his partner.<\/p>\n<p>Does this justify the violence? No of course not. <strong>Violence is not justifiable under any circumstances, unless it\u2019s self-defense.<\/strong> The above is meant to understand the trigger for the person\u2019s abusive behavior. Of course when you think about it, it doesn\u2019t make sense because not only does violence not help one get heard, but it will make any trusted communication difficult in the future due to fear and trauma. <strong>But many deep personal issues are not logical and stem from emotional difficulties. It\u2019s important to recognize and understand them to start the healing process.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Besides this, there can be other reasons for domestic violence. Such as<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Using violence to keep love by your side;<\/li>\n<li>Using violence as an act of superiority and to create power over your victim;<\/li>\n<li>Using violence to release your pain;<\/li>\n<li>Using violence as an act of vengeance, to make your partner \u201cpay\u201d for a wrongdoing (say, <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/ashley-madison\/\">infidelity<\/a>); and<\/li>\n<li>Using violence to feel that you\u2019re wanted\/needed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Continue the exercise for the other two incidents. If you have more incidents to dig into, repeat with them. Keep doing this until you\u2019ve uncovered all the root causes of your abusive tendencies.<\/p>\n<h2>3) Deal with the Root Issues<\/h2>\n<p>Depending on your results, you can have multiple factors driving your abusive behavior. These factors can be different or related. Each factor likely deals with a deep personal issue, possibly linked to the trauma you experienced as a child. Get down to the root of each root issue (yes, there are roots to roots) and understand how it came about.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s say you have been using violence to get heard. Your reason is that if you don\u2019t get heard, you feel that you don\u2019t exist. Some questions to dig into are<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Why do you have this belief?<\/li>\n<li>What makes you think that you don\u2019t exist?<\/li>\n<li>When did this thinking start, and why?<\/li>\n<li>How can you start \u201cexisting\u201d in this world?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Or let\u2019s say violence is your way to keep love by your side. You feel that you lack love and you cannot stand <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/lonely\/\">the thought of not having someone with you<\/a>. Some questions to think about are<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Why do you lack love?<\/li>\n<li>What\u2019s keeping you from feeling love?<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/21djc-day-14-meaning-of-love\/\">What\u2019s love to you?<\/a><\/li>\n<li>How can you start loving yourself?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Tackling each root will likely open a floodgate of emotions: anger, bitterness, hatred, pain. It will also open up a flood of childhood memories and unhappiness. While uncomfortable, it\u2019s necessary because this is the s*** that was not processed before, that subsequently led to your violent behavior today. What\u2019s different is that you\u2019re now an adult, stronger and more conscious of who you are. What was confusing before can now be properly analyzed as you are able to dissect and understand them.<\/p>\n<p>The above will take time. You need time to work through grief, pain, anger, hate, and perhaps even loss. I recommend you to read my <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-anger\/\">How To Deal With Anger<\/a> (series), which is on removing anger from your life and identifying deeper issues that drive anger in us.<\/p>\n<p>In any case, the self-healing must happen, first and foremost, before you can expect a fully functional relationship with your partner. You must work on your self-love before turning to your partner for love. You must work on your issues on \u201cbeing heard\u201d before expecting your partner to listen to you. You must work on neediness issues instead of turning your relationship into a needy one. Because unresolved internal issues will ripple out to your relationship with your loved ones \u2014 it\u2019s not a coincidence that your inner struggles have impacted your life. When you heal yourself, you make it possible to have a meaningful relationship with others.<\/p>\n<h2>4) Use Coping Strategies in the Interim<\/h2>\n<p>As the healing will take time, it\u2019ll be good to have coping strategies to manage the abusive behavior. I recommend the following:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>As there is an unhealthy dynamic between you and your partner right now, I recommend you limit physical contact, at least until you feel that you have made enough headway in your recovery such that the abuse will not recur. This is really for your safety and her\u2019s (or his). With the internet and smartphones, it\u2019s easy to still be in touch while not being physically by each other\u2019s side. If you are spouses, consider living in separate places (like with your own parents). Time apart will also help you focus on solving your inner issues.<\/li>\n<li>Of course, it doesn\u2019t mean that you must cut off complete contact. Keep your partner in the loop of your discoveries. Involve her so that she can encourage you and be a part of your healing process. <\/li>\n<li>Should you need to meet,\n<ol>\n<li>Meet in public spaces. If not, have at least 1-2 other people (adults) in your company.<\/li>\n<li>Have your partner save a few emergency helplines on speed dial and keep her phone on her at all times. She should call them should there be anything amiss.<\/li>\n<li>If you feel anger stirring in you and your abusive side surfacing, get as far away from your partner as possible. Leave the place. Journal the questions I provided in Step #2. Write as much as you need and let the angst flow through the words. Get to the root of why you\u2019re suddenly feeling the need to be violent. Is it a new root? Or something you\u2019ve already uncovered but have not fully addressed? Address it as per Step #3.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<li>Your partner should call a domestic abuse helpline to receive counseling as a victim, so she is better equipped to deal with abuse situations.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h2>5) Recognize the Sacredness of Your Partner\u2019s Body<\/h2>\n<p>As you work on your self-healing, I want to bring attention to the sacredness of the human body. One of the factors of domestic violence is that the abuser feels like they \u201cown\u201d the victim\u2019s body and they have the right to do whatever they wish to it. This belief is subconscious rather than conscious, especially if the abuser does <em>not <\/em>consciously want to abuse.<\/p>\n<p>Understand why there\u2019s a part of you that is okay with hitting your partner. You may have these answers:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cBecause she\u2019s a part of me\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cBecause I can do whatever I want with her\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cBecause she\u2019s my spouse\/partner and hence she\u2019s \u2018mine\u2019\u201c<\/li>\n<li>\u201cBecause she says she loves me and hence she\u2019d be okay with that. She\u2019d understand.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cIt happened before and she forgave me. So, she\u2019ll forgive me again even if I lose control.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Go through each statement one by one and ask yourself if it\u2019s really true.<\/p>\n<p>Because while she is your partner, that doesn\u2019t give you the right to hit her or feel like you can \u201ccontrol\u201d her. Your partner is an individual human being, as are you. Her body is sacred as is yours. Rather than subconsciously feel that you \u201cown\u201d her body because she is with you, you should recognize and treasure the sacredness of her body, as you would with any human being\u2019s. Your partner is a separate human being and she deserves love, respect, and dignity as do you. To use violence on her would be to disrespect who she is and abuse your place as her lover and partner. This understanding is fundamental to breaking abuse patterns.<\/p>\n<h2>Wrapping Up<\/h2>\n<p>Abuse is a very deep topic and it\u2019s not possible for me to cover everything in just one article. What I\u2019ve done is provide some general pointers to put you in the right direction. I hope I\u2019ve helped in some way.<\/p>\n<p>This article is not meant as a replacement for professional help for addressing abuse. I highly recommend that both you and your partner get professional aid in addressing this episode. For your partner, it\u2019s important because there is trauma associated with abuse. Letting this sit in her without dealing with it may result in a <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Cycle_of_violence\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">cycle of violence<\/a> later in her life.<\/p>\n<p>I did a Google search and there are many organizations that provide domestic abuse help. Here are some helplines to call; these helplines are 24\/7:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">The National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> (US)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.loveisrespect.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">Love is respect<\/a> (US \/ for teens)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">National Domestic Violence Helpline<\/a> (UK)<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.1800respect.org.au\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">1800 RESPECT<\/a> (Australia)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Even if you\u2019re not in those countries, I think you can just call them \u2014 I honestly do not think that they restrict help only to people in their locality. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.skype.com\/en\/download-skype\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">Skype<\/a> lets you make international calls; just add the country code in front of their hotline number.<\/p>\n<p>There are also domestic abuse counseling services in many countries and you can do a Google search for results in your locality. Just calling the helplines above will be a great start.<\/p>\n<p>Please keep me posted on how this goes, okay?<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re a victim of domestic abuse, read: <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/domestic-violence\/\">I\u2019m in a Domestic Violence Situation. What Should I Do?<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Also read: <a href=\"https:\/\/personalexcellence.co\/blog\/anger\/\">How to Let Go of Anger<\/a> (series)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Image) \u201cDear Celes, I really love reading your blog. You are my role model! I am actively working on revamping [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":277,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/274"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=274"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/274\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":278,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/274\/revisions\/278"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/councilart.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}